TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

MAY
Don't call it Disneyland, lavender mists,
the terrified lollipop vendor, falling in
love (after only three days wondering,
"What about moving here?"), the border
upgrade, and falling literally on the
cobblestones in this "City of Fallen
Women."

JUNE
Finding the perfect casa, questioning
"Day of the Locos," our daily walk down
Mesones, scrabble fiends, the electrocuted
feral cat pinata, gringas discussing our
maids, and "our roosters are in the towel."

JULY
July 4 is just another day in Mexico, back
to Phoenix to sell our house, traitor or
feminist La Malinche, the blue-eyed blond
god Quetzalcoatl, and whoever learned about
Maximilian and Carlotta in school?

AUGUST
The American way, "miscellaneous" won't
work on a menaje de casa, outlandish
real estate prices, a drive to Dolores
Hidalgo, decorating the Hospital General,
"sopa" isn't soap and "ropa" isn't rope,
laws based on Napoleonic Code, and "estoy
estupido."

SEPTEMBER
Paganism swallowed Catholicism, the giant
puppet's exposed breast, Independencia,
crushed at 4 a.m. fireworks, shrimp ice
cream, El Pipila the freckled hero,
Running of the Bulls, flying voladores,
and road rage--it's me.

OCTOBER
Ojala (God willing), gringos in shorts,
who causes the weather, long-haired
"old" ladies, the double-charging
gardener, a land of masks, magical realism,
Arizona vigilantes and us, and who steps
off the narrow sidewalk?

NOVEMBER
The stolen empty computer box, Pozos, a
Cajun Thanksgiving, imprisoned writers,
Day of the Dead altars, Oaxaca's fried
grasshoppers, the Universal Electrical
Line, Pancho Villa as Himself, Cristeros
wars, and "we're nobodies."

DECEMBER
Mexican April Fool's Day, the Posada
burro bucks off Mary, our Arizona home
sells, a bus trip to Guadalajara,
dancing at the Parroquia for the Feast
of the Virgin of Guadalupe, and telling
the taxi driver I love him

JANUARY
Bringing Three Kings Day gifts to poor
rural schools, the importance of social
protocol, blessing of the animals, baking
pizza at high altitudes, surviving
Spanish levels 1 and 2, an accordion in
the string section, and "with burro poop
you get burros."

FEBRUARY
Candelaria planting frenzy, being bopped
with confetti-filled eggs to welcome Lent,
a Mexican baby shower, a tour of Mexico
City, red pyramids glistening with
blood, the mustard scam, and "Mexicans
will sell anything."

MARCH
It's the dog's fault, Irish heroes of the
San Patricios Battalion deserting the U.S.
Army, a Lebanese buffet, debate over
Dunkin' Donuts, Semana Santa (Holy Week),
reenacting the Bible, real crowns of
thorns, and exploding Judases.
 
APRIL
A quiet month after Semana Santa, dancing
at Club 27, the blessing of the garbage
trucks, and another perfect evening
at the Jardin.

COMING AROUND AGAIN ON MAY
Sterilizing feral cats, two stays in
Hospital de la Fe, back to Phoenix for
major surgery, the prices of everything
but kitchen sinks, a rant on learning
Spanish, and "you should have been
in San Miguel in the '50s when
it was great."

CONCLUSION
Who wouldn't love San Miguel, bringing
your baggage with you, "Too Mexican,"
"Not Mexican enough," and after more
than four years we're still in love
with San Miguel.